Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Cow Tipping

Let me guess. You just had to read this post to see if I was blonde enough to actually try to tip a cow.

Thankfully, the answer is no.

However, the answer is no mostly because I'm afraid of getting too close to any animal larger than myself so it's not so much that I'm too smart to try to tip a cow, I'm just too scared to try to tip a cow.

Which leads us to the question of why I'm writing about cow tipping anyway.

Oddly, all this cow business had to do with another gravel race. This time, I ventured on my own to a race in Wisconsin. I kind of wondered when it said we were starting at "Noah's Place" if that was some sort of seedy bar or if it actually really was some guy's house. Turns out, the start was, in fact, at Noah's house.  Noah also lived in the country so his neighbors had lots of cows.

Yes, I was disappointed that they weren't pigs. Although maybe they had pigs too, but I figured it wasn't the best idea in the world to just wander onto someone's property in search of a pig. Or to tip a cow for that matter. 

Anyway, when I told Big E about the day later, I was excited about the cows at the start. I mean, come on, how often are there cows that close to the start of a race? Somehow, this lead into a conversation about cow tipping, during which I informed him that I know you can't tip a cow because my mom told me so. Not that I couldn't figure out on my own that you can't tip an animal with four legs, but it always helps to be able to throw the, "my mom told me so," card on the table when someone's trying to pull my leg. Of course, I'm pretty sure my mother knew this because she might have tried once......on the same night that she was talked into going snipe hunting. But that's a whole other story....

So, my race recap goes like this: 58 miles of gravel, ATV roads and trails.  I didn't hit any cows. I still didn't see any pigs. I didn't get chased by any dogs. I did, however, hallucinate a bear at mile 52. Turned out it was just a tipped over tree.  And no, no one tipped any cows. At least not while I was around....

1 comment:

  1. Okay, here's how you can tip a cow. It's basically the story of Milo. He picked up a calf shortly after it was born and repeated this every day until it was full grown. The basic principle of weightlifting, you get stronger by engaging in progressive resistance. So go to a dairy farm in WI, ask the farmer if he has any newly born calves. If so go over an tip him/her, actually her is a better idea because a fully grown him is a bull, over. Repeat every day for the next year or so and voila. You'll probably be the first kid in your neighborhood to do this.

    E. Polecat, Esq